you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
