I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
