I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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