she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize