A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
