I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
