Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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