remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
