dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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