After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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