Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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