I think I am morally bankrupt
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
