I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
