i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just pee around me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
