Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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