Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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