i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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