so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
