WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize