You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
