my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
