Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
