I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
