and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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