I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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