If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
