Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
