If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
