I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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