you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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