You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
