Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
