She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
