i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
