What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
