smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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