I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
