wat bout pragnant strippers??
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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