You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
