he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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