do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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