I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
