wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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