I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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