fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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