Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He passed out mid-signature
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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