i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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