idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
