I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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