I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
