I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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