she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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