After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
