this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
