I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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