Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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