Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
