Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
