You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
