I want to make a zoo with you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
