Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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