You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
40s are totally the cure
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
