I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
