I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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